I posted a fiction piece, after making several versions and failing to make italic text stay put. I really want to know what others think of it, and how I can make it better. It's at this link here--->[link]

I don't care if you tell me something without suggesting how to make it better, just tell me things to look for or rate it? I would love a critique even more so, but understand if no one does, as I am indeed lazy. I just want some honest feedback. I appreciate the time you took to read this, and hope that it doesn't sound like I'm whining, because that isn't the message I am trying to send.